“Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife.” — Franz Schubert
I have always been really honest about my pregnancies. I’m sure you remember me saying I hated being pregnant! I was sick the entire time with both of my boys. Everything my hubby was reading was telling him that sex was going to be non-stop! Lol. However, that wasn’t the case because I was never feeling well. But he understood and was very patient. I know when people think of intimacy after baby they immediately think of sex. But for us, it was about getting back into our groove. Connecting on an emotional level and remembering who we were before the baby.
We knew after we had kids things would be different. We just didn’t know how much different. Every day we have to do the work to make sure our marriage doesn’t suffer.
How did we do that?
Nurture Your Relationship
Don’t put your marriage on the back burner. You have to make sure to make it a priority like anything else. Before having kids we were all about each other. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the kids, but we have to remember not to neglect each other. Every day we would do something, even if it seemed small to make sure the other person felt special.
Talk, Talk, Talk
I swear this is so important. There are going to be times (a lot of times!) when you get on each other’s nerves. After I had the baby my hormones and emotions were all over the place. I suffered from postpartum depression. I felt disconnected, from everyone. And I honestly didn’t even want to be touched a lot of the time! Being able to articulate what you need (and don’t need!) is so crucial during this time. Tackling problems early on helps keep something small from turning into something big.
Physical Touch
Intimacy isn’t just about sex. Physical touch is my hubby’s love language. And even though there were a lot of times I wasn’t in the mood, I had to think outside the box. So even if it’s holding hands, embracing, kissing. Those little gestures can make you feel cherished by your partner. Maybe you aren’t feeling sensual. However, everyone wants to feel desired, needed and wanted. Intimacy and romance are really vital at any stage in marriage.
Have couple time
As parents, our first priority is our children. At the end of the day, you have to make sure to remember that you aren’t just parents you’re a couple. So sometimes you have to remember to do things without the kids. Date nights for us usually consist of us putting our kids to bed then we unwind with wine and Netflix. Just remember to take time out to connect with your spouse.
Intimacy After Baby
Isn’t always going to be easy. But you have to remember to assess and vocalize your needs and wants.
[…] would go to sleep. What I have noticed lately is that now he won’t fall asleep at bedtime. In “Marriage After Baby” I talked about how the time after I put him to sleep is one of the times we try to carve out for […]