Improving communication is crucial for a thriving and healthy marriage.
I screamed at my husband the other day. I didn’t mean to, but I reacted and it just sort of happened. He stood there stunned trying to understand what had just happened. It took me a minute to try to find the words to explain. Healthy communication skills are an important part of any relationship. It helps us understand each other better, build trust, and resolve conflicts. We stress so much to other people how important communication is to us. Especially as it relates to our children. But every day I am learning new marriage exercises to improve communication.
I started going to therapy a few months ago. I had gotten to a point where I knew I couldn’t do it alone anymore. During one of my therapy sessions, I explained to my therapist that my husband triggered me. So my husband was the one who suggested that maybe we should get therapy as well to work on our communication problems.
When couples fight, they often end up feeling hurt and angry. But there are effective communication exercises to help any married couple navigate without getting upset or losing control.
How can I improve my communication skills in my marriage?
The next time we met with the family therapist my husband started with an amazing metaphor for how he was feeling. He said, “You can’t pull someone over and give them a ticket for speeding when there aren’t any speed limit signs posted.” What he was trying to communicate is he can’t stop triggering me if I haven’t told him what he has done to trigger me.
Be Honest about Your Feelings.
It’s easy to become defensive when you feel attacked by your partner. However, being honest about how you feel will help you avoid taking things too far. It is your responsibility to be clear about how you are feeling. Don’t leave any gray areas, and don’t leave anything up for interpretation.
One of the couples therapy exercises our therapist introduced us to is The Gottman method, also known as the “Speaker-Listener Technique.” This is a communication tool that can be used to improve understanding and empathy between partners.
A great way to improve poor communication is to use “I” statements to clearly articulate your emotions or needs. For example, “I feel overwhelmed when…” or “I need more support in…” Stick to one specific topic or issue at a time to ensure clarity and avoid overwhelming your partner. Avoid blaming or criticizing your partner. Instead, focus on sharing how you personally feel or what you need.
Marriage exercises to improve communication require active listening
This is a huge thing for me. I need to know my husband has truly understood my feelings and needs. Having good active listening skills ensures good communication skills. After you have shared your thoughts, feelings, or concerns. You want your partner to reflect back on what they heard to ensure understanding. This helps foster empathy and encourages open and non-judgmental communication.
Daily Check-In
During our therapy session, she encouraged us to take at least 15 mins to check in with each other. Use this time to share how your day went, express any concerns, or discuss upcoming plans. It’s one of the best ways to promote regular and consistent communication, ensuring that both partners are aware of each other’s experiences and needs.
We took it a step further and asked these questions as well:
- How are you feeling?
- Am I doing anything that is helpful to you?
- Can I do anything to make your load easier?
Foster a safe and supportive environment
At the end of the day, I always remember that he is my safe space. In order for us to have a healthy relationship we need to be free to express ourselves openly without fear of being shamed or invalidated. We have the common goal of creating an atmosphere free from judgment, criticism, and defensiveness. Always remember that their feelings and experiences are valid, even if they differ from your own.
Use assertive communication exercises
The purpose of this exercise is to communicate our feelings, thoughts, and beliefs in an open, honest manner without violating the rights of others. It is an alternative to being aggressive where we abuse other people’s rights, and passive communication where we abuse our own rights.
So, in addition to active and reflective listening, you can show a willingness to explore other solutions. “How can we get around this problem?”
Remember Non-Verbal Communication
Communication is not just about words; it also involves nonverbal cues. Take turns observing and mimicking each other’s body language and facial expressions. I feel like this can also help you anticipate your partner’s needs. Being able to notice subtle changes in eye contact or nonverbal communication could give you a better sense of what your partner feels on a deeper level.
Remember to be fully present in the conversation
My partner’s love language is touch. So, whenever I am talking to him, I make an effort to be physically present. We sit close to each other, hold hands, or find a comfortable position that allows for gentle physical contact. This proximity can enhance the sense of connection and understanding. Incorporating non-sexual touch into our daily interactions helps create a loving and nurturing environment.
Show Appreciation and Gratitude
One of the most important things to remember is that we want to feel appreciated. Create a daily or weekly ritual where you express appreciation and gratitude towards each other. Share specific qualities, actions, or gestures that you appreciate in your partner. This exercise reinforces positive communication and helps build a strong foundation of mutual appreciation and respect. No one wants to constantly get fussed at. Sometimes we want to hear when we do good stuff too!
Learn to Apologize.
Accept responsibility and acknowledge your own role in contributing to the disconnection. What role did you play in this regrettable incident or fight? What specifically was your own contribution to this incident? What do you wish to apologize for?
Seek Professional Help if Needed
I am a huge advocate of therapy. When my mental health became an issue I knew I had to seek professional help. If you and your spouse are struggling to communicate effectively or if there are deeper issues impacting your relationship. Please consider seeking the assistance of a couples therapist or marriage counselor. They can provide guidance, facilitate communication, and help create a safe space for both of you.
Last but not least agree on a way to move forward
Practice healthy conflict resolution techniques together. Look for common ground and work towards finding a compromise or solution that satisfies both of you. Being able to process means you can talk through it without fighting. Be clear on boundaries and what to expect from each other.
Marriage exercises to improve communication require work
Courtney and I genuinely like being around each other. We laugh and joke all of the time. We have deep and insightful conversations about so many topics. We agree on most things, but sometimes our approaches to things are different. However, whenever we find ourselves in situations where we don’t agree or when someone is doing something the other doesn’t like. We have to make sure we are handling it properly.
Remember, improving communication in a marriage takes time, patience, and consistent effort. Be open, compassionate, and understanding towards each other’s communication styles and challenges. By practicing these exercises regularly, you can strengthen your communication skills and deepen your connection with your partner.
Have you tried any of these marriage exercises to improve communication? Have you found anything to be helpful?
Kish
Sharonda says
All of these are so good! I always say communicate in the style that your spouse prefers, not in the style you prefer. It’s always better received. We are all so different so the style is different for all of us.