Holidays can be a very stressful time for people with autism spectrum disorder or those with sensory issues. It can be a good idea to try to prepare your family and those around you for different ways to reduce the stressful situations.
I’ve talked a lot about how I protect my mental health during holidays, but something I find myself explaining to people every year is how autism and holidays are affected. During this time of year my son starts getting a little thrown off by so many changes around us. He absolutely loves the holiday season, but it can also be very overwhelming for him. I have to start preparing everything in our home around Halloween. Yes, on November 1st I start the decorating process for the upcoming holidays. Not only does it help brighten up my spirits, but it also eases him into all of the overwhelm that can come up. We’ve made it one of our family traditions. It helps prepare him for the changes that start happening around that time.
Is traveling good for autism?
A lot of people travel to see family members during the holidays. Traveling with an autistic child can be stressful during normal times. However, when you factor in the hustle and bustle of holiday travel it can be a chaotic meltdown waiting to happen. Because I have become so anxious thinking about everything that could go wrong during our trip, I have personally canceled plans the morning of. I can’t always predict or properly plan for unexpected delays however what frightens me more than anything is not my own children but what the people around us might do. The last thing I want is someone filming my child’s meltdown or dragging us all over Twitter.
How can I help my autistic child for Christmas?
- Try to stick as much to the same daily schedule as you possibly can. We recently went to a white elephant party and luckily it was during the day so we didn’t have to worry about sleep schedules. When our son is involved in something he enjoys he often has a hard time pulling his focus away and it can make him very upset. If I know that I am going to have to leave any holiday events early I try to let my friends/family know in advance.
- If possible, use a visual schedule. Our son’s advent calendar has been really helpful with helping him keep track of the days, so he is prepared for holiday celebrations, and what’s to come. Having visual supports has also been really beneficial to incorporate it into his daily routines.
- Sensory overload is real so if you can find a calm space, or quiet space for them to be able to get away from all of the stimuli. Being able to have a safe space to retreat to can really help them have a more enjoyable experience.
- If you are going to any family gatherings or just planning on being in a social setting consider bringing some of their favorite fidget toys, familiar items, or sensory toys. This can include noise cancelling headphones in case there isn’t a place to have quiet time.
- If you are hosting, try to include some of your child’s favorite foods when you are preparing the holiday meal. If you aren’t having dinner in your own home, then bring something you know your child will like.
- Be respectful of boundaries. Even before we had kids this was a huge one for me. I have always let the rest of the family know we don’t force any interactions. Physical or otherwise. Having body autonomy is so important and something we teach our kids daily.
- Feel free to just say NO. You don’t have to do all the things. Your child’s needs come first so if you need to space out the holiday gatherings then do that. But let’s just be honest holiday stress can be draining, and sometimes I also get tired of having to always be ON.
What are some of the sensory challenges an autistic person might experience?
People with autism can often have their senses easily overloaded. However, it’s different for everyone and the way each person reacts is going to be different too. Here are a few examples:
Sight: The flashing lights on the Christmas tree or the bright lights on the houses can be overwhelming visually.
Sound: Loud noises. This can be from the many people in the area, the music, holiday decorations, etc. Don’t be offended if they have to disappear into a quiet room for a little while.
Taste: Food aversion is real. I know sometimes people think they are just being “picky.” But the taste, temperature, color, smell, or texture of certain foods can be triggering for autistics. Children with autism can be food selective. Again don’t be offended if they don’t eat anything or if they bring something they like. Even if it isn’t a “traditional” holiday food.
What are other ways holidays can be difficult for autistics?
Parents of children know how much preparation goes into the holidays. There is a huge disruption in routine during the holidays because we usually go on winter break during that time. I’ve said this before, Santana thrives with his routine. We saw how much it affected him when Covid started. Any sort of disruption to his routine throws him off. Christmas can also feel especially chaotic because things don’t always go according to plan. Sometimes I plan on getting a particular gift and they will be sold out everywhere. Everyone is getting sick, there are large crowds everywhere, and on top of that there is a ton of socializing everywhere. Sometimes our son struggles with excitement and/or facial expressions. Just because he doesn’t have the same reaction as someone else doesn’t mean he doesn’t love and appreciate the gift.
One of the most helpful tips I can give anyone with autistic friends/family members
BE UNDERSTANDING AND DON’T PASS JUDGEMENT. This day is for them just as much as it is for anyone else. Be patient and kind. I know how cliche that sounds but in all honesty the day isn’t just stressful and overwhelming for our son. Our whole family is always under a level of stress with the coming holiday season. Because at the end of the day we are trying to create happy memories with our children in spaces they are free to be their true selves. Remember to always be supportive and not to take anything personal if things don’t go as planned.
And if you are a care giver remember to give yourself some grace. There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying you know what, we are doing our own thing this year. Take the time to prioritize your family’s needs and happiness. Use this as an opportunity to create new holiday traditions. One of the best ways I have been able to put my child’s needs first is by making sure I’m okay as well.
I love hearing other people’s personal experiences with autism and holidays so please share anything we should know below!
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