I want another baby, but I hate being pregnant.
There I said it.
Sounds crazy right?
It’s the truth though. It’s not something I really tell anybody. Well not until now. Mainly because everybody is so “judgy.” But I’m allowed to feel how I feel.
When I was pregnant with my son I was sick. Not like regular sick, but “sick sick.” At exactly six weeks my morning sickness kicked in with a vengeance. I tried every single thing known to man to feel better and nothing helped. I mean EVERYTHING! At the time I was still a flight attendant so you can imagine how gross and uncomfortable it was to be on a plane hearing your flight attendant barfing out her insides then coming to serve you a beverage.
Everybody kept saying, “oh it will get better.”
But it didn’t.
It never got better, it actually got worse.
I got hospitalized a couple of times for dehydration, because I just couldn’t keep anything down. Not even water. At the time I was trying to have a “natural pregnancy.” In my mind I was going to be one of those “crunchy” types. I was going to do prenatal yoga, and eat a bunch of healthy stuff. I didn’t want to take a bunch of pills so I was still trying these remedies everybody else was swearing by. However, I was losing weight and was always so weak and tired.
I couldn’t wait to get to my second trimester because that is when everybody said it would get better.
But it didn’t.
My morning sickness didn’t go away like everyone had promised. I finally said eff this and went to the doctor for some help. Of course he told me I had Hyperemesis Gravidarum, which is severe nausea, vomiting, weight loss, and electrolyte disturbance.
Woo that should have been it right? Nope, it wasn’t.
It was around this time the sciatic pain kicked in. Like seriously, it felt like it was starting in my butt and just shot through my body. I could barely move let alone walk. Which sucked because I ALSO had Gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD). It wasn’t just heartburn, but I had a constant lump in my throat. Every now and then it would work its way up. The only thing that I could do to feel better was sleep sitting up. Which was hard because I had sciatic pain.
These were most of the big things because I still had all of the little aches and pains that came with being pregnant.
Whenever I would confide in anybody about how uncomfortable my pregnancy was I always got the same responses. “Awww that’s okay it’s all for a good reason.” Or “but this is what we’ve wanted for so long.” Um I know that, but I still don’t like being pregnant.
I ended up getting admitted to the hospital at 33 weeks because I had high blood pressure. I rarely talked to anybody, or if I did I wasn’t honest. Because when people ask how you are doing it’s just as a pleasantry and nobody really wants to know the answer.
I know you are probably thinking, “man she’s a complainer.” I have absolutely nothing against being positive. But I hate being pregnant and there is nothing wrong with saying that. There are some women out here who love it and everything that comes with it, but I am not one of those women.
Does that mean I can’t want more children? Absolutely not! I know right about now you are probably thinking “why on earth would she want to go through any of that again?” Because having a family means everything to me. TO US. So if this is what it takes, then so be it. But I don’t have to like it.
So here we are again, my husband and I are trying for baby number two. All I keep thinking is, “every pregnancy is different.” Right?