Black Women Loving and Natural Hair: Learning to Love My Natural Hair

My relationship with my natural hair has been a journey, and when I say journey, I mean a journey.

Growing up, I didn’t always love my hair. I didn’t really know how to take care of it either. The images of beauty I saw around me usually involved long, straight hair, and for a long time, I believed that was what beautiful hair was supposed to look like.

It wasn’t until I got older that I started learning about my own texture, figuring out which products actually worked for me, experimenting with natural Black hairstyles, and eventually realizing that loving my hair was connected to something much bigger than hair.

As a Black-Latina woman, embracing my natural hair has helped me feel more connected to my culture, my identity, and even the way I want my sons to see their own hair.

I was once interviewed by Parents Latina about my curly hair journey, my favorite products, my routine, and my experience with Afro-Latina hair. That conversation made me think about how much my relationship with my hair has changed, and how many things I wish I had understood when I was younger.

So this isn’t just a list of natural Black hairstyles. This is about Black women and natural hair, representation, self-love, and everything I had to unlearn before I could finally appreciate the hair growing out of my own head.

My Struggle With Loving My Natural Hair

For a long time, I didn’t know how to love my natural hair because I rarely saw hair like mine represented as beautiful. Even my own mother had a different hair texture than I did. Growing up, the women I saw celebrated in magazines, on television, and in music often had long, straight hair, and that’s what I wanted too.

I spent a lot of time and money on extensions because I genuinely believed my hair looked better when it was long and straight. Looking back, I realize how much those beauty standards influenced the way I saw myself. I wasn’t just trying a different hairstyle. Somewhere along the way, I had learned that straight hair meant beautiful hair.

Years later, I spoke with a mother whose daughter asked her, “Does anyone else have hair like mine?” Her mom pulled up pictures and showed her other people with hair that looked like hers. That conversation stayed with me because I understood exactly why that little girl needed to see herself represented.

Representation matters, especially when you’re young and still learning what beauty looks like.

Another part of my struggle was simply not knowing how to care for my hair. I didn’t understand my texture, which products I needed, or why the things that worked for someone else’s hair didn’t necessarily work for mine. There was a lot of trial and error before I figured it out. Pasted text

And that’s something I wish I’d understood much earlier: my hair wasn’t the problem. I just hadn’t been taught how to care for it.

I am embracing everything about my culture and that includes my hair. My natural hair journey has felt a lot like self-love.

Learning What My Natural Hair Actually Needed

One of the biggest turning points in my natural hair journey was realizing that I couldn’t properly care for my hair if I didn’t understand it.

It took me until my late 20s to really figure out a healthy routine. Growing up, I was often told I had “good hair.” It was meant to be a compliment, but I never really understood what that was supposed to mean. If my hair was supposedly “good,” why did I spend so much time wishing it looked like somebody else’s?

And baby, we were struggling with the products.

My mom used to put S-Curl gel in our hair trying to give us those loose curls. The problem? We didn’t know what we were doing with it. Remember the Soul Glo family in Coming to America leaving that greasy stain on the couch? That was basically us.

As I got older, I wasn’t doing much better. I would stand in the shampoo aisle and grab whatever was cheap because I assumed shampoo was shampoo. Conditioner? Optional. Then I’d pile on mousse and wonder why my hair wasn’t doing what I wanted it to do.

Eventually, I started paying attention to my own hair—its texture, how easily it dried out, which products gave me moisture, and which styling techniques actually worked for me. I stopped expecting my hair to behave like someone else’s and started learning what mine needed.

That knowledge completely changed my relationship with my hair.

I wasn’t dealing with “bad” or difficult hair. I had hair I hadn’t learned how to care for yet.

Unlearning What I Thought Beautiful Hair Looked Like

For years, I thought my hair needed to be tamed to be beautiful. Straight hair felt polished and acceptable, while my natural texture felt like something I needed to fix.

So I did what I thought I was supposed to do. I straightened it, used heat, tried chemical treatments, wore extensions, and spent entirely too much time and money trying to make my hair look different from the way it naturally grew. And eventually, my hair paid the price.

What started changing my perspective was seeing more Black women proudly wearing their natural hair. I found women sharing their curls, coils, protective styles, products, routines, and even the same struggles I’d experienced. For the first time, I wasn’t just seeing natural hair, I was seeing it celebrated.

That gave me permission to experiment with my own hair. I started trying braids, twists, updos, and other styles. I invested in products that actually worked for my texture instead of buying whatever happened to be cheap. Most importantly, I started looking at my hair differently.

I had spent so much of my life trying to make my hair fit someone else’s definition of beauty that I hadn’t stopped to appreciate what it could do naturally.

And listen, my hair can DO some things.

It can be curly one day, braided the next, pulled into a puff, twisted, blown out, or completely transformed with a protective style. Learning that versatility became part of learning to love it.

Eventually, I realized something that seems so obvious to me now: beauty standards are not absolute truths. I didn’t need to change my hair to make it acceptable. I needed to change the way I had been taught to see it.

Why Natural Hair Representation Matters

Representation played a huge role in changing how I viewed my own hair. Growing up, I didn’t see nearly as many Black women wearing their natural textures in magazines, on television, or in fashion as we see today. When you rarely see people who look like you being celebrated, it’s easy to start believing that your features are the ones that need to change.

That’s why seeing Black women wearing Afros, curls, coils, braids, locs, and other natural hairstyles matters to me.

It’s also why I keep thinking about that little girl who asked her mother if anyone else had hair like hers. She needed to see herself.

And representation isn’t only about seeing one version of natural Black hair. Our hair doesn’t all look the same. Some of us have tight coils, some have looser curls, some wear our hair short, some grow it long, and some of us switch it up depending on how we’re feeling that week.

Seeing that variety helped me understand that there wasn’t one “right” way for my natural hair to look.

For me, embracing my hair eventually became about more than appearance. It became part of embracing my identity and appreciating something I spent years wishing was different.

The Power of the Natural Hair Community

One of my favorite parts of my natural hair journey has been discovering the community that comes with it.

There is something special about Black women sharing what we’ve learned with each other, from the products that finally worked to styling tips, wash-day routines, protective styles, and those “Girl, do NOT put that in your hair” warnings.

But it’s bigger than hair tips.

For me, the natural hair community became another space where I could see Black beauty celebrated instead of corrected. I saw women encouraging each other to embrace their curls, coils, Afros, locs, braids, and everything in between. That support helped me become more confident in experimenting with my own hair and figuring out what worked for me.

And now I get to be part of that same community.

Friends and other moms ask me about my hair, the products I use, and how I care for it. It’s funny because there was a time when I was the one who had absolutely no idea what I was doing. Now I can share some of the things I’ve learned along the way.

I don’t have all the answers, and I’m still learning, but that’s part of what makes the natural hair community so beautiful. We learn from each other.

Natural Black Hairstyles I’ve Learned to Love

One thing I love about natural Black hair is just how versatile it can be. Once I stopped fighting my texture and started learning how to work with it, experimenting with different styles became part of the fun.

Over the years, I’ve learned to appreciate everything from wearing my natural curls out to protective styles that let me completely switch up my look. Some of the natural Black hairstyles I’ve grown to love include:

• Locs and faux locs: I love seeing how creative women get with locs, from different lengths and updos to accessories and color. Faux locs can also offer a way to enjoy the look without making the same long-term commitment as traditional locs.
• Afros: There is something about letting your hair take up space exactly as it is. An Afro is bold, beautiful, and unapologetically Black.
• Twist-outs: One of my favorite things about a twist-out is that you never quite know what you’re going to get. Depending on your hair and products, you can end up with defined curls, volume, or a little bit of both.
• Braids and cornrows: I love the versatility of braided styles. They can be simple or elaborate, and they’re one of the ways I can give my natural hair a break while still having a style I love.
• Bantu knots: Bantu knots can be worn as a style themselves or taken down for curls, giving you two looks in one.
• Wash-and-go styles: Sometimes I just want to embrace my natural curl pattern without doing the absolute most. A wash-and-go lets my hair be my hair.
• Puffs and high buns: These are perfect for the days when I want something cute without turning hair day into an entire event.

What I’ve learned is that embracing natural hair doesn’t mean I have to wear it one particular way. That’s actually one of the things I love most about Black hair. I can experiment, change my mind, try something completely different, and still be celebrating my natural hair.

There isn’t one “right” way to look natural.

Loving My Natural Hair Is an Ongoing Journey

Let me be clear: my natural hair journey has never been just about giving up relaxers or learning how to style my curls. For me, it has been about unlearning what I thought beautiful hair was supposed to look like and reclaiming a part of myself I spent years trying to change.

I didn’t have a dramatic big chop or one magical moment when everything suddenly clicked. My journey happened gradually. I learned about my hair, tried different products, figured out what worked—and definitely figured out what didn’t work. Somewhere along the way, I became more confident not only wearing my natural hair but actually styling and caring for it myself.

For the first time, I can genuinely say that I love my hair.

And now that I’m a mother, this journey means even more to me. I have two sons with their own beautiful hair, and I want them to grow up knowing something I didn’t always understand as a little girl: their hair doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s to be good hair.

Caring for my sons’ hair has become part of that journey too. I’ve even shared some of our favorite hair products for Black kids that have made caring for their curls and coils easier.

I want them to see me loving my natural hair. I want them to see Black hair celebrated in our home. And I want them to understand that our curls, coils, textures, and hairstyles are part of something worth appreciating, not something we need to fix.

My relationship with my hair is still evolving, and I’m still learning. But maybe that’s why I call it a natural hair journey.

If you’re just beginning yours, or you’re still figuring out how to love the hair growing out of your own head, I hope my story reminds you that you don’t have to have everything figured out.

Every kink, curl, and coil is part of the journey. And I’m finally enjoying mine.

What has your natural hair journey looked like? I’d love to hear your story in the comments.

Posted By: Kisha Gulley · In: Culture