Positivity can be a helpful tool in so many ways. However, toxic positivity involves denying or invalidating negative emotions and experiences, which can be harmful.
One of the main reasons I started this blog is because I experienced postpartum depression after having our first son. To be honest my pregnancy was so complicated that I hated being pregnant. I was so embarrassed and ashamed to tell anyone we were trying for number two. Because even though we absolutely undoubtedly wanted another baby I just did not like being pregnant. However, people have a way of making you feel bad if you don’t love everything about being pregnant. Believe me, I know what a blessing it is to even be able to conceive. But I should also be allowed to feel whatever feelings come with it, the good and bad things. Instead, I was met with a bunch of toxic positivity quotes.
what is toxic positivity and why is it damaging?
Toxic positivity refers to the belief that one should always maintain a positive attitude, regardless of the circumstances. Any expression of negative emotions, negative thoughts, or experiences is considered inherently bad or unacceptable. It can be damaging when it invalidates or dismisses the genuine feelings and struggles of others.
I see it most with the “good vibes only” crowd. They believe that all we have to do during hard times is simply “think positive” or “be grateful” rather than acknowledging and addressing the root causes of problems.
what are some toxic positivity examples?
- positive vibes only
- other people have it worse
- Look at the bright side
- Just think positive
- Be a team player
- You should be grateful
How can toxic positivity negatively impact mothers?
Toxic positivity can negatively impact mothers in several ways. Especially mothers who may have a hard time after giving birth. After having our first son I was feeling very overwhelmed. When I was struggling, something I heard so often is that I was the one who wanted kids so why was I sad? I felt so guilty for not having a constant wave of positive emotions. Even now that my kids are older I often need to feel heard, supported, and understood. Every situation doesn’t need a “silver lining.”
It can make mothers feel guilty for feeling negative emotions or difficult feelings
When mothers are constantly told to have a positive mindset, they may feel guilty for experiencing negative emotions like sadness, anger, or frustration. I got to a point where I just started suppressing any negative feelings I had. It made me feel like I was failing as a mother because I wasn’t strong enough to handle my emotions. My mental health began to suffer. I really felt like I had no right to feel depressed. I mean wasn’t this the life I had always prayed for?
Excessive positivity can lead to emotional burnout
Mothers who are constantly encouraged to stay positive, or to mask their true feelings, may feel like they have to put on a happy face all the time. Even when they are experiencing difficult emotions like feeling overwhelmed or stressed. This can lead to emotional burnout and exhaustion. Emotional burnout usually happens when one feels worn out mentally because of accumulated stress from a situation in their personal life. As a mom not being able to express my true emotions often left me feeling isolated and alone.
It can prevent mothers from seeking help
I’ve spoken before about some of the reasons moms might not ask for help dealing with postpartum depression. But something else I haven’t mentioned is that if mothers feel like they have to be positive all the time, they may be less likely to reach out for help when they are struggling. They may feel like they have to handle everything on their own and that asking for help would be seen as a sign of weakness. Mothers should be encouraged to seek help when they need it and to express their own emotions in a healthy way.
Furthermore, toxic positivity can invalidate the struggles that many mothers face on a daily basis. When others (especially a family member) tell them to “just be happy” or “look on the bright side,” moms may feel like their real problems aren’t important or worthy of attention. This type of attitude dismisses their real-life struggles and minimizes the impact these issues have on their mental health.
What can you say instead of a toxic positivity quote?
There are several alternatives to toxic positivity quotes that can help mothers in a more productive and supportive way. Here are a few:
Validation: Instead of dismissing painful emotions, the best thing is to validate them. Letting someone know that you understand how they’re feeling and that it’s okay to feel that way can help them feel seen and heard. “It’s okay to cry and feel sad.”
Empathy: True solidarity includes practicing empathy. This involves putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and understanding their perspective. This can help moms feel understood and supported. “I hear what you’re saying and I understand why you feel that way.”
Active listening: One huge part of the human experience is listening to someone without judgment or interruption. It can help them feel heard and valued. It also shows that you care about what they have to say and are interested in understanding their experiences.
Offering practical support: For moms going through a tough time, offering practical support can be helpful. I remember after having the baby and everyone wanted to come over to watch the baby. I appreciated all the love he was getting but sometimes practical support is more helpful. This could include running errands for them, cooking them a meal, or offering to help with a specific task.
Encouraging professional help: If someone is struggling with mental health issues or a challenging situation, encouraging them to seek professional help can be more helpful than just offering motivational quotes. Sometimes we need to hear from other people that it’s okay to get professional help. Taking the stigma out of therapy goes a long way.
The use of toxic positivity quotes isn’t ALL bad
While positive thinking is important in life, toxic positivity can be harmful to anyone. Having a positive outlook can be a helpful coping mechanism for people having a bad day. But there needs to be some balance. It’s important to acknowledge and validate negative emotions and negative experiences. Instead of pushing moms towards false positivity all the time, we need to acknowledge and support their struggles because only then will we truly help them with the healing process.
How do you feel about toxic positivity quotes? Let me know in the comments.
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