As parents, it’s important to make sure our kids are doing okay mentally and emotionally. To help your kids open up about their mental health, start with some thought-provoking questions.
Encouraging kids to talk about their mental health is an important part of helping them learn to cope with stress, sadness, and other difficult emotions. As Black parents, the stakes can sometimes feel especially high. There’s a rich legacy of resilience and strength in Black communities. By addressing mental health, Black parents can add another layer to this legacy: the strength of vulnerability. Knowing the things to ask kids can help them understand to ask for help when they need it. And to make sure they are taking proactive steps to safeguard their well-being.
From asking about their favorite thing to helping them reflect on how they’re feeling, these simple questions can give insight into your child’s emotional well-being.
My husband and I have been working on having open and honest conversations about mental health with each other. I want my children to see what it’s like to be in a loving home with open and honest communication. I hope that it helps them understand and navigate their own emotions. While also building a strong foundation for communication and support.
Why Checking in on Your Kids’ Mental Health is Important
In today’s fast-paced and often stressful world, it’s more important than ever to prioritize our children’s mental health. Just as we ensure they are physically healthy by taking them to the doctor and providing nutritious meals, it’s crucial that we also check in on their emotional and mental well-being. In OT we often do the “how is your engine running?” exercise. This is one of the best questions to help our kids gauge whether or not they need more or less stimulation.
Occupational therapy helps our kids with these basic life skills, however, there is an added layer. Being able to articulate feelings and emotions is a vital life skill for anyone. Black individuals, including children, are often unfairly stereotyped. They are seen as overly emotional or aggressive, teaching emotional literacy is an act of empowerment.
Navigating identity as a Black child in a society that still grapples with race can be complex. Open conversations about mental health can equip children with the coping skills they’ll need to form a strong, positive identity. Children, just like adults, experience a wide range of emotions. From excitement and joy to sadness and frustration, their emotions can be intense and complex. By regularly checking in on their mental health, we can gain insight into how they are feeling and provide support when needed.
Setting the Scene for the Conversation
Before you start firing off questions like it’s the Spanish Inquisition, consider the setting. The key is to make it a relaxed, safe space. Casual settings often work best—like during a long car ride, at your favorite place, while cooking together, or enjoying your favorite snack. It’s important to remember that these conversations may not always be easy. You might feel like you aren’t asking the right questions.
However, the most important thing to remember is that by setting the right tone, you can create an open and supportive space for your child to express their thoughts and emotions.
- Choose the right time and place: The first thing is to find a quiet and comfortable setting where you won’t be interrupted. This could be at the end of a school day, on car rides, or at the dinner table. Avoid discussing heavy topics in crowded or noisy environments.
- Use open-ended questions: Open-ended questions are the best way to encourage deeper and more meaningful conversations. Instead of asking, “How was your day?”, try asking, “What was the best thing that happened at school today?” or “Tell me about your favorite movie and why you enjoyed it.” These types of questions invite your loved one to share more about their experiences and feelings.
As you continue to check in on your child’s mental health, adapt your questions to their age and development. Young children may respond better to funny questions or silly questions that make them laugh. Older kids might benefit from more in-depth discussions about their fears, challenges, or goals.
- Listen actively: When they are speaking, give your full attention and actively listen. Show genuine interest by nodding, maintaining eye contact, and asking follow-up questions. The best part is letting them know that you are there to support and understand them.
- Be non-judgmental and empathetic: Create a safe space by being non-judgmental and empathetic. Validate their feelings and experiences without dismissing or belittling them. Let them know that you care and are there to help. I am all about safe spaces. The worst thing as a parent is for your child to not be able to confide in you.
What Are Some Good Questions to Ask Your Child?
Using open-ended questions can be a great way to encourage your child to open up. These questions invite conversation and give your child the opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings in a more meaningful way. If your kids are anything like mine then they usually respond by giving a one-word answer. Getting anything of value out of them is like pulling teeth. I quickly learned I was asking the wrong questions.
How Was Your Day?
Simple, right? But it’s a starting point that allows your child to guide the conversation.
What was your favorite part of the day?
This is one of my favorite questions, it allows your child to reflect on their day and focus on the positive aspects. It encourages them to think about moments that made them happy or proud, promoting gratitude and self-awareness.
Did anything happen at school today that made you feel happy, sad, or angry?
This question opens the door for your child to express their emotions and share their experiences. It shows them that their feelings are valid and gives you insights into how they’re navigating social interactions and challenges at school.
Who is your best friend, and what do you enjoy doing together?
This question not only gives you an opportunity to understand your child’s social relationships but also helps them reflect on the importance of friendship. It allows them to talk about someone they trust and appreciate, fostering a sense of belonging and emotional support.
What’s your favorite subject in school and why?
This question encourages your child to think about their interests and passions. It allows them to talk about something they enjoy, promoting a positive mindset and boosting their self-esteem. It also gives you insights into their academic engagement and overall well-being.
If you could go anywhere or do anything, what would it be?
This question sparks imagination and creativity. It gives your child a chance to dream and express their desires, fostering a sense of hope and excitement. It also opens up opportunities for future conversations about their goals and aspirations.
How Are You Feeling Right Now?
Get them to tap into their current emotional state. And hey, it’s alright if they don’t have an answer right away. Emotional literacy is a skill that takes time to develop.
Are You Worried About Anything?
Whether it’s an upcoming test or a friendship issue, it’s good to know what’s weighing on their minds.
How Can I Support You?
Remember, we’re not just here to identify problems; we’re also here to help them navigate through them.
What Are You Looking Forward To?
A bit of positivity to shine a light on future opportunities or happy events can be uplifting.
How Are Things with Your Friends?
Friendships are an essential part of kids’ lives, and conflicts or changes can have a significant emotional impact.
Have You Felt Sad or Anxious Lately?
This question tackles the issue head-on but should be asked when you feel it’s the right time to do so.
Did anything today make you feel worried or stressed?
Addressing concerns head-on can be empowering. Letting kids express their worries helps them feel heard and supported.
Is there something you’d like to talk about or share with me?
An open-ended question like this gives kids the freedom to bring up any topic that’s on their minds, whether it’s school-related or personal.
Who did you spend time with today, and how did it make you feel?
Understanding their social interactions can provide insights into their emotional well-being and friendships.
What’s your favorite way to relax or de-stress?
Encourage self-care by asking about their relaxation methods, whether it’s reading, playing video games, or practicing mindfulness.
Is there something you’d like to learn more about or try in the coming weeks?
Fostering curiosity can be a great way to keep kids engaged and enthusiastic about learning and exploring new interests.
What are some questions you can ask younger children?
Checking in on younger children’s mental health might require a more simplified approach, but it’s no less important. We also have a 4-year-old and the key is to use age-appropriate language and engage in a way that allows them to express themselves. Here are some straightforward yet impactful questions you can ask:
How Are You Feeling Today?
This question is simple enough for a young child to understand and can be a good way to gauge their current emotional state.
What Made You Happy Today?
This question can help identify the sources of joy in their lives, and it can serve as a great conversation starter to discuss any things that might be making them unhappy.
Is Anything Bothering You?
A straightforward question like this can provide a lot of insight into any stressors or worries your child might have.
How Did You Sleep Last Night?
I ask my kids this on a regular basis. Sleep quality can often correlate with mental health, so asking about sleep can be a way to uncover any underlying issues.
Who Is Your Good Friend At School?
Knowing who your child spends time with can provide insight into their social lives and any potential sources of stress or joy.
What’s Your Favorite Board Game These Days?
Children often express themselves through play, so knowing what activities they’re drawn to can be revealing.
Can You Tell Me About Your Favorite Book?
Fun questions like this one are another way children express their feelings. Asking them to describe their favorite book or cartoon character can sometimes provide a window into their emotions.
Understanding What to Look For
When it comes to checking in on your child’s mental health, it’s important to know what signs to look out for. Sometimes, children may not always express their emotions openly, so it’s crucial for parents to be aware of any potential indicators that their child may be struggling. Here are some things to consider when assessing your child’s mental well-being:
Changes in behavior
One of the key signs that something may be amiss with your child’s mental health is a noticeable change in their behavior. Keep an eye out for sudden shifts in their mood, increased irritability or anger, withdrawal from activities they used to enjoy, changes in sleep patterns, or a decline in academic performance. These changes may signal that your child is experiencing emotional distress and could benefit from further support and understanding.
Physical symptoms
Sometimes, a child’s mental health struggles can manifest in physical symptoms. These can include headaches, stomachaches, fatigue, changes in appetite, or difficulty concentrating. While these symptoms may also have other explanations, it’s important to pay attention to their frequency and intensity. If they persist or worsen, it may be an indication of underlying mental health concerns.
Social withdrawal
If you notice that your child is spending less time with their friends, avoiding social interactions, or showing signs of isolation, it could be a sign that they are struggling emotionally. Children who feel overwhelmed or anxious may retreat from social situations as a way of coping. It’s important to gently encourage your child to open up about their feelings and offer them support and reassurance.
Changes in communication
Keep an eye out for any significant changes in your child’s communication patterns. This could include speaking less, avoiding eye contact, or exhibiting difficulty expressing themselves verbally. On the other hand, some children may become more talkative as a way to express their emotions. Regardless of the direction of the change, it’s important to pay attention to these shifts in communication as they may indicate underlying emotional challenges.
Emotional indicators
While it can be challenging to discern a child’s emotions, there are often subtle signs that can give you insights into their mental well-being. Pay attention to their overall mood and any fluctuations throughout the day. Are they frequently irritable or seem sad for no apparent reason? Are they easily overwhelmed or appear more anxious than usual? These emotional indicators can help you gauge their mental state and provide the necessary support.
Checking in on your kids’ mental health shouldn’t be a one-off occasion. It’s a good idea to make it a regular part of your daily life.
Trust me, it’ll make a world of difference.
Mental health is a universal issue that takes on particular nuances for Black families. The cultural stigma around mental health can sometimes be more prominent in Black communities. By openly discussing mental health, Black parents can help to break this stigma, by normalizing these conversations within the home and larger community. I am breaking the cycle, by creating a healthier family dynamic that can be passed down. The importance of checking in on your kids’ mental well-being can’t be overstated—because every child deserves the best chance at a happy, healthy life.
[…] Have your child start a kindness journal where they can write down acts of kindness they have done each day. I also encourage my son to write down some personal goals. This not only helps them keep track of their progress but is also an excellent way to practice self care. […]