A couple of weeks ago I gave my family a mental health day. However, sometimes I need a little more than that. My husband is always on the road for work so that leaves me here to handle everything. I would be lying if I said I don’t get burned out. But who looks out for the mom who is looking out for everyone else? As a special needs mom, I don’t always practice self-care and neglect myself.
So I did something today. I worked out twice! (Yes in one day!) This isn’t something I plan on doing very often, but I had time today. Since I’m all about transparency on this journey I’m going to tell you why I did it.
The first is because after two kids I really am trying to lose some weight. Yes, I do believe in being healthy, but also when you look good you feel good. I’ve struggled with my weight for years. Now I’m actively trying to make it a priority. Before the pandemic, I started taking Zumba classes. I dropped 20lbs but going to the classes really gave me something to look forward to. It put me in good spirits and set the tone for my day.
The second is it really helps me with my anxiety. Yes, I have anxiety. It gets so bad sometimes I don’t even sleep at night. There have been times it has made me physically ill. I often talk about self-care and how important it is. I even tell my friends not to pour from an empty cup. However, I don’t often take my own advice.
Special Needs Mom Guilt
As a special needs mom thinking about doing anything for myself is often accompanied by guilt. I start wondering if I’m doing enough for my children. And if I’m being honest I often feel weird in this space. If I ever talk about being overwhelmed in any way, or if I talk about how we as parents need support, I am met with judgmental comments. Because in this space everything is about our kids, if you think about yourself for a minute, people think that somehow takes away from what you do for your children. So this post isn’t just for the special needs mom, but for anyone feeling overwhelmed. I’m going to share a couple of self-care activities that might be a little different than what we are used to hearing about.
Find A Support Group
As special needs parents sometimes we feel isolated and alone. It can be refreshing, therapeutic even, to talk to other people who understand what we are going through. Your tribe might even try to be there for you, but it’s different when you’re around other special needs families. We ended up really bonding with the other parents in our son’s integrated preschool class.
Talk To A Therapist
Maybe you haven’t completely come to terms with your feelings. Maybe you would rather not be in a group setting. Or maybe you have other issues you want to discuss. Whatever the reason, therapy can help with so many mental health issues. Sometimes what you need is a safe space you can openly and honestly discuss your feelings.
Find Time To Do The Things You Love
As parents, in general, it can be hard to make time for ourselves. But making even just a little time to do something you love can be so beneficial. Learn to make yourself a priority, and don’t feel guilty about it!
Meditate
All you need is 5 minutes! It can be used to improve sleep, reduce stress, increase focus. It’s about achieving a mentally clear and stable state. If you’re looking for a place to start Nellie over at Brooklynactivemama.com can guide you on quick and easy five-minute meditations for the busy woman.
Respite
As a special needs mom, I often look for what kind of resources are available to us. One of the things I found is respite. Respite is a temporary break or relief from something that is trying or difficult. A respite provider can come into your home to be with your child for a few hours while you remain in the house and do the things you need to do (bill paying, laundry, etc.) In essence, it’s just a nanny or babysitter. They usually have experience with people with special needs.
Self-care is important for everyone. However, as a special needs mom, it hits me different because I have to make sure I’m okay to properly advocate for my son. I have to make very serious choices everyday that most parents don’t even have to worry about. I always have appointments, and therapy sessions I have to take my kids to. The mom guilt is a little different, and chronic stress is very real.
Kisha
[…] Focus on me: I spend a lot of time making sure that everyone around me is okay. Oftentimes putting my own wants and needs on the back burner. Being too available to people caused me to spread myself too thin. Every day I started loving myself a little bit more. I am so serious about self-care it allows me to recognize how important my feelings are. […]