I used to get really sad and depressed during the holidays. I would throw myself into work and just fly nonstop. Now I have a family and have been actively working on creating unforgettable memories for all of us during this time of year.
As the holidays approach, I can’t wait to relax in my home with my husband and kids. We don’t have family here in Arizona. We get a lot of invitations from friends and loved ones to visit, however, people don’t understand what an incredibly stressful time it can be for us. I’m not just talking about travel, but the logistics of tending to our son’s needs and thinking about family gatherings. We have two kids and the oldest is autistic. One thing my husband and I agree on is that we don’t put unwanted stress on our family. Protecting your peace should always be a priority but choosing our mental health during the holidays will always be a must over attending a family function. I’m going to share some holiday mental health tips for how I keep it (somewhat) together during the holidays.
How holidays affect mental health
For the longest time, I would avoid going home during the holidays. I struggled with a form of holiday depression known as seasonal affective disorder (SAD) that occurs at roughly the same times each year and is linked to the changing seasons. If you’re like the majority of people with SAD, your symptoms begin in the fall and last into the winter months. Back then I wasn’t really open about my mental health conditions, so I never told anyone. And I’m going to keep it real, nobody has time for a bunch of judgmental family members. Especially during the most wonderful time of the year. But holiday stress isn’t just about family dynamics. Some common issues can be because of financial pressure, feelings of loneliness, just knowing how overwhelmed you might get with social situations, traumatic experiences that might come up, and triggering family members. For me, the things that used to give me holiday blues have been now occupied by other things.
How do you mentally prepare for the holidays?
The holiday season really starts for us in October (Halloween) and lasts through January (Dia de los Reyes). Once we started having kids, I knew I wanted to start new traditions. I’ve been actively working on breaking generational curses, so I really want to focus on making sure our kids have great holiday experiences. Since our son is Autistic holidays are a little bit different for us. The first and most important thing I try to remember is we don’t have to be around anyone that makes us or our children uncomfortable. But should we choose to go out to social events I take extra care making sure everyone knows we might have to leave early or cancel last minute.
How can you manage your mental health during the holidays?
One of the biggest things is recognizing that having healthy boundaries is a must. You know I love boundaries! I have been trying to make healthy habits for myself and some for my family as well. I have learned to recognize my triggers so I can immediately exit if I have any feelings of stress or if anyone crosses any lines. There can be a ton of pressure during the holidays to spend time with immediate family. However, for people with toxic family members that can be hard. So that can be a huge deal-breaker when thinking of accepting invites. Preserving your mental health during the holidays is important so don’t feel bad if you need to decline the invitation. Use this time to create your own holiday traditions if you need to.
“The National Alliance on Mental Illness noted that 64% of individuals living with a mental illness felt that their conditions worsened around the holidays.” – NAMI
So, what are some holiday mental health tips?
- Establish clear boundaries. Remember boundaries don’t need apologies!
- Leave early if you need to. We thrive off of routine and even though it’s a special occasion I try to keep us on the same routine. Even if that means we have to leave the party.
- Ask “who’s all gone be there?” Check the guest list first. If you know toxic family members will be there don’t even waste your time. Your emotional health will thank you later.
- Don’t go. To be honest, if you are having a difficult time, or if you need to give yourself a pep talk before being around anyone it might be best just to sit it out. Cancel if you have to.
Are holidays good for mental health?
I don’t want you to get negative feelings about holiday gatherings. A lot of good can come from actually being around loved ones. For a lot of people spending time with loved ones can put them in a good mood. Being able to rest and have a happy time can have a positive impact on your physical health as well as mental wellness. Now that we have found new ways to make memories with our kids the demands of the season aren’t bad. Just remember to do what works best for you and your family.
What helps with holiday anxiety?
The most important thing I can tell anybody is, choosing yourself is never selfish. The second most important thing is don’t set unrealistic expectations for yourself. The National Alliance on Mental Illness noted that 64% of individuals living with a mental illness felt that their conditions worsened around the holidays. It can be for any number of reasons. However, putting yourself in an uncomfortable situation will not help. Remember to maintain your safe space. Because the holidays are ultimately about good cheer!
[…] This year has been nothing short of exhausting and for some, it’s been filled with sadness. Creating something my family can look forward to really helps us remember how blessed we are. And how lucky I am to have such an amazing family. […]