Let’s talk about boundaries [AGAIN] today. Now if you’ve read any of my self-care/mental health posts you know boundaries are absolutely necessary for me. Mainly because without them people found themselves disrespecting me and I was in a really unhappy space. Even when I was younger I can remember always being unhappy. However now I am older and working on breaking those generational curses. I am making sure to maintain my mental health boundaries.
Now just so we are clear, personal boundaries are the limits you decide work for you on how people can treat you, how they can behave around you, and what they can expect from you. People treat you however you allow them to. Over the years, I have found that as I have evolved and grown so has my behavior. I know better, so I do better. What was okay before no longer works for me. In the process, I have had to readjust my mental health boundaries to match my growth.
What are the reasons why I should readjust my mental health boundaries?
One of the main reasons (besides growth) for needing to readjust your mental health boundaries can be because you are now married with children. Or maybe because you are in a relationship with someone you care about. You might just be in a completely different place in life than you were before. And even though this seems like it should be common sense, some people don’t feel that they should have to acknowledge those boundaries. They don’t feel like they should have to grow with you. You just have to decide what your limits are.
Always use clear direct communication!
I know plenty of people say communication is important. However, you want to be really clear about what lines people shouldn’t cross. You can’t be wishy-washy with it either. If you let people slide even just a little bit they will get confused. I mean you were cool with it that ONE time.
So how did I know it was time to readjust my boundaries?
Really simple. I felt like I wasn’t being heard. Maya Angelou once said, “when people show you who they are, believe them.” I started feeling drained and taken advantage of. However, most of that was my fault. I had allowed it for so long, and I never spoke up. I had toxic friendships I just couldn’t let go of.
You should expect backlash from establishing mental health boundaries
No matter what anyone makes you believe, establishing boundaries or readjusting your boundaries doesn’t make you a bad person. Not setting boundaries allows others to do things to you that are upsetting or even harmful. For me, it caused anxiety I even felt physically ill. I mean I legit broke out into hives! But I love myself enough to know when something isn’t healthy for me.
[…] You know I love boundaries! As I have evolved and grown so has my behavior. And now that I have a family I work really hard at maintaining our peace in our home as well. That’s why I don’t give everyone access to us. And if I’m being honest our home life is great. This is our safe space so I don’t allow outside forces to disturb the tranquility of our home. my mental health really suffered when I allowed people to overstep the boundaries I had in place. […]