The “terrible threes” is a term used to describe a challenging phase in a child’s development that occurs around the age of three years old. It is often considered a continuation of the “terrible twos,” which is another phase known for frequent temper tantrums, defiance, and other challenging behaviors.
The terrible twos often describe the negative behaviors children display at or around 2 years of age. I remember when our oldest was nearing two and everything began. I was seriously not ready for the changes in his behavior. With our youngest, I thought I would be a little more prepared. However, every day I still find myself scrolling through the internet, trying to find different ways for how to deal with the terrible threes.
What are the terrible threes?
During the “terrible threes,” children may exhibit similar behaviors as they did during the “terrible twos,” but with added intensity and newfound abilities in language and motor skills. I once even heard someone describe it as the “terrible twos, and the trying threes.” The toddler years are filled with so many big emotions!
What are some common characteristics of the terrible threes?
- Assertion of Independence: At this age, children are exploring their independence and asserting their preferences and opinions more strongly. Power struggles are now a part of life! It seems like they are always into everything! And because they are enjoying this newfound independence, they want to do everything by themselves. Whether they are developmentally capable of completing the task or not. It looks like inappropriate behavior, but I have to remember they are being curious.
- Defiance: Little kids might be more defiant and test boundaries as they seek to understand their place in the outside world.
- Developing Language Skills: Improved language abilities allow three-year-olds to express themselves more clearly, but it can also lead to verbal outbursts and negotiating skills.
- Emotional Rollercoaster: Children at this age may experience rapid changes in emotions and big feelings. Swinging from happiness to anger or sadness quickly.
- Picky Eating: Three-year-olds may become pickier eaters, asserting their preferences and dislikes when it comes to food.
- Nap Resistance: Some children might start resisting nap time or bedtime routines, leading to disruptions in sleep patterns.
How long do the terrible threes last?
The duration of the “terrible threes” phase can vary from child to child. With our oldest son, I don’t really know how long it lasted. Because this was the same time he received his Autism diagnosis. So a lot of the behaviors that I felt were bad behavior were really signs of something more. For some young children, the challenging behaviors commonly associated with the “terrible threes” might start shortly after their third birthday and gradually improve as they approach age four.
It generally refers to the developmental stage that occurs around the age of three years old, but its exact timing may differ for each individual child. For other young kids, the phase might begin earlier or later, and its duration can span several months. With our second son, his behavior started about two and it’s still going!
It’s important to note that child development is a dynamic and unique process, and children may experience different growth spurts and behavioral changes at various ages. Additionally, a child’s temperament and individual personality can influence how they navigate this phase.
How do I deal with my 3-year-olds tantrums?
Three-year-olds might still have tantrums, expressing their frustration, anger, or other emotions in an intense and sometimes dramatic way. When our son doesn’t get something he wants he falls out on the floor wailing and screaming. Sometimes this happens in public. It can get pretty overwhelming when everyone starts staring at you during grocery store visits like you’re “that mom.” I have to tell myself that he only wants what he can’t have because he’s curious. It’s momentary. And since I have one child who is autistic and the other who isn’t. I’ve had to learn how to distinguish between tantrums and an autism meltdown.
How do I stop terrible 3s?
YOU DON’T. The “terrible threes” is a normal part of child development that many children go through as they navigate their growing independence and emotions. I knew trying to completely prevent or stop them wasn’t going to work. Instead, I started working on good techniques to manage the challenging behaviors and create a more positive parenting experience:
Stay Calm and Patient: The best way to respond to challenging behaviors is with patience and a calm demeanor. Children can pick up on little things like your emotions, and staying composed can help de-escalate tense situations.
Set Clear and Consistent Boundaries: Establish clear expectations and rules for behavior, and consistently enforce them. Have a list of family rules posted in plain sight. Children thrive on consistency and knowing what is expected of them.
Offer Choices: Give your child age-appropriate choices to help them feel more in control. For example, a good idea would be to let them choose between two acceptable snack options or two outfits to wear.
Use Positive Reinforcement: Praise and reward good behavior to encourage your child to repeat them. Sticker charts are good for this. Positive reinforcement can be more effective than harsh punishment.
Redirect Attention: If your child is engaging in unacceptable behavior, redirect their attention to a more appropriate activity or toy.
Offer Predictable Routines: As most of you know I try to keep our daily routine consistent. Having a structured and predictable routine provides autistic children with a sense of security and stability, reducing anxiety levels. Routines give autistic children a sense of control over their environment and activities. Simple things like daily routines are a great way to reduce meltdowns.
Encourage Communication: Help your child express their feelings and emotions instead of resorting to tantrums. We are also their safe place. When children know their needs will be understood and met, they feel safer and more secure, which can prevent meltdowns.
How to survive the terrible threes:
Seek Support: Talk to other parents or join parenting groups to share experiences and strategies for managing challenging behaviors. One of the best things I did was create my own little village. Parenting already comes with its own set of challenges. The only way I’ve been able to make it is with a little help from my friends.
Choose Your Battles: Take a deep breath. Not every issue needs to become a confrontation. Decide what is truly important to address and what can be let go. In the long run, your mental health will thank you.
Provide Physical Outlets: Allow your child to engage in physical activities to release energy. We do this during OT by doing heavy work or play times with friends.
Offer Choices: Give your child age-appropriate choices to help them feel more in control. For example, let them choose between two acceptable snack options or two outfits to wear.
What comes after terrible threes?
After the “terrible threes,” children enter the phase known as the “fantastic fours” or simply the age of four. During the “fantastic fours,” children may demonstrate more emotional maturity and self-regulation compared to the previous stage. They are likely to continue exploring their independence and asserting themselves but with a better understanding of social norms and expectations.
How to deal with terrible threes
As a parent or caregiver, a positive way to approach the “terrible threes” is with patience, understanding, and a flexible mindset. Providing consistent and loving guidance during this stage of development can help children navigate the challenges and transitions of early childhood development more smoothly. For us, this meant lots of hugs.
Remember that this phase is temporary, and as children continue to grow and develop, they generally move on to new stages with their unique sets of joys and challenges. Building a strong and supportive parent-child relationship can lay the foundation for positive communication and emotional well-being throughout childhood and beyond.
The most important thing to remember about how to deal with terrible threes is that children are human too. Their verbal, physical, and emotional skills aren’t well-developed. Consistent guidance is crucial during this phase. Creating a supportive and loving environment can help children navigate the “terrible threes” with greater ease and foster their emotional and social development.
? Little Santana was just trying to turn up of or Halloween!
Oh I feel you! I had 2 kids that hit their terrible two’s, before they were 2! One day they were my sweet toddler and the next day not so much…..