How do children learn what’s right from wrong?
When we were growing up my mom used to have a lot of knickknacks, she never really liked throwing things away. One thing she had was a framed picture of the poem “Children Learn What They Live” by Dorothy Law Nolte. I used to read it almost every day, but it wasn’t until recently that I really started thinking about what it could actually mean.
“If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.”
What is the main idea of “Children Learn What They Live”?
I feel like the author was trying to say that our children are a reflection of us. So the way we raise our children today will directly impact who they become as adults. We must lead by example in order to instill positive, values in our children that they will carry with them throughout their lives.
What important lessons do we learn as children?
A few years ago our son was called a racial slur at therapy. It’s a place I consider his safe space. When I heard about the situation I immediately thought to myself this is a result of something he learned at home. When the parents were notified of the incident, they simply replied that they were just happy their kid was using his words. Since he was up until this point, nonverbal.
I want my children to always feel seen, loved, taken care of, and most importantly safe.
How can adults create safe spaces for children?
Teach your kids to see color. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard people say they don’t see color. Why not? Ignoring differences isn’t the same as accepting people for who they are and loving them. Teach your children not to disregard what other people are going through just because they aren’t experiencing it themselves. Teach your children the differences, but to love people anyway. Let them know it is not okay to turn a blind eye.
Over the years, I’ve spoken about racism to different people, and on many different occasions, I have gotten the exact same response. Their response is “well racism exists all over the world so it is what it is.” What kind of response is that? So because everybody else does it we’re just supposed to accept it? All I could think to myself is, “is this that new parenting?” Because we don’t do that in this family. Is this what other children are learning?
How do children learn in early childhood?
As parents, we have to remember how our actions (or inaction) impact our kids. We often have to remember that communication is not just verbal, but it’s nonverbal as well. We have to lead by example. So when our children see us treat other people a certain way they are still learning. When they see us reacting a certain way to situations, their behavior will speak to what they have learned.
I want this space to be a place for content and community for Black mothers.
When I started this blogging journey I initially started it as an outlet. As a way for me to share my personal experiences with motherhood and marriage. However, being able to share all parts of our story is how I stay true to my authentic self. Our children experience racism way before their peers learn about it, and they deserve safe spaces where they are allowed to talk about these experiences and feelings. Because racial trauma is real and there are people who still don’t believe us when we say racism still exists.
Lovely Post!♡
I read through this and found value in it.