Setting and maintaining boundaries is essential for respectful relationships and personal well-being.
I talk about boundaries a lot. And to be quite honest it’s something I didn’t really know about until much later in life. No one taught me what is acceptable and what is not in my interactions with others in my personal life. As with most Black women I was taught to always be strong, independent, and emotionally resilient. By not establishing clear boundaries my mental health suffered. But when you know better, you do better. So, I’m sharing some reads that have helped along the way. Let’s get into the best books on boundaries by Black women.
What are boundaries?
Personal boundaries are the physical, emotional, mental, or social limits we set to protect ourselves and maintain a healthy sense of self-respect, well-being, and personal space. Boundaries can be both internal (self-imposed) and external (set in relationships with others). They are crucial for maintaining healthier relationships, self-care, and emotional well-being.
What are the different types of boundaries?
Here are some various types of boundaries:
- Physical Boundaries: Also called body boundaries. These refer to personal space and physical contact. They involve setting limits on how close others can come to us, what kind of touch is acceptable, and respecting personal belongings.
- Emotional Boundaries: Emotional boundaries involve setting limits on how much emotional energy and vulnerability we share with others. It’s about protecting our feelings and not allowing others to manipulate or invalidate them. It’s about being selective about who has emotional access to us.
- Mental Boundaries: Mental boundaries are about protecting our thoughts, beliefs, and values. It includes not allowing others to impose their opinions or beliefs on us, as well as setting boundaries on how much information we share or receive.
- Time Boundaries: These boundaries involve how we manage our time and set limits on how much time we give to certain activities or people. It’s about respecting our own limits and not overextending ourselves trying to be a people pleaser.
- Social Boundaries: Social boundaries are about the level of intimacy and closeness we have with different people. Moreover, they involve deciding whom we want to spend time with and how much information we share with different individuals.
- Material Boundaries: Material boundaries are related to possessions and property. Good boundaries involve setting limits on sharing or lending personal belongings and being respectful of others’ property.
Why can it be hard for Black women to set boundaries?
Black women are expected to be always available, strong, and self-sacrificing. We are labeled as difficult, aggressive, or intimidating for asserting our boundaries. These things along with being underrepresented lead to a lack of support. Making it challenging to set boundaries without facing judgment or criticism. The first time I decided to cut off toxic people for the sake of my sanity I was ostracized.
What are the best books on boundaries?
“Rest Is Resistance” by Tricia Hersey
Tricia Hersey is a poet, artist, and founder of The Nap Ministry, a creative organization that advocates for the importance of rest, healing, and liberation. Through her work, Hersey challenges the societal norms that prioritize productivity and busyness at the expense of physical and mental well-being. She emphasizes the healing power of rest and encourages individuals, particularly Black women and marginalized communities, to embrace rest as an act of resistance against systems of oppression.
For me, rest is the ultimate healthy boundary. And fighting back against “grind culture” is how we establish healthy boundaries. It’s about not giving until we have nothing left.
“Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself” by Nedra Glover Tawwab:
Nedra Glover Tawwab is a licensed therapist and relationship expert known for her expertise in boundaries, self-care, and personal growth. She draws from her experiences with her therapy patients to provide readers with tools and strategies to set and enforce boundaries. Ultimately leading to improved mental and emotional well-being.
In her New York Times bestseller book, she provides real-life examples, case studies, and practical exercises. Tawwab’s book is a practical guide on how to recognize when boundaries are needed, how to communicate those boundaries effectively, and how to handle potential challenges that may arise when setting and enforcing them.
“A Black Girl With Boundaries: How to Combat the Struggles Women Face When Setting Boundaries in Everyday Life” by Shatara S Clark
Clark uses her personal experiences as a black girl raised in the South, to address the frustrating cycle of ineffective boundary-setting. She gives Black women insightful advice about choosing ourselves. By encouraging us to not feel guilty about establishing healthy habits in all areas of our lives.
“The New Black Woman: Loves Herself, Has Boundaries, and Heals Every Day (Empowering Book for Women)” by Marita Golden
In “The New Black Woman,” celebrated author Marita Golden, known for her appearances on Oprah Winfrey’s show, presents a comprehensive guide to mental and physical health for women. This empowering book of boundaries is designed to help women discover their true selves, set healthy boundaries, and embrace health-related fitness practices to find balance in their daily lives.
Black women will find practical strategies to reconnect with themselves, their bodies, and the people around them, fostering a deeper understanding of holistic wellness. With empowering affirmations and reflection points, this book becomes a valuable mental health guide for Black women seeking to reclaim their lives one step at a time.
“Sis, You Betta…: Black Woman’s Guide to Setting Boundaries for Living Your Best Life!” by A. S. Bell
“Sis, You Betta” is an empowering guide designed for Black Women, offering valuable insights and tools to establish healthy boundaries in every area of their lives, leading them towards living their best life. Setting boundaries can be challenging, and this book highlights how the absence of boundaries can affect relationships negatively.
By implementing better boundaries, individuals can foster mutual respect and create guidelines for their interactions with others. This ensures that their well-being is valued, cared for, and respected. While the guide may not have all the answers, it serves as an essential foundation for those new to setting boundaries or seeking a refresher on this transformative practice.
Why do you need to read the best books on boundaries?
Establishing healthy boundaries, It’s a step toward creating a life that aligns with your values and promotes your overall well-being. By giving yourself permission to do what’s best for you, you can stop the dysfunction of unhealthy relationships. Ultimately, reading books on setting boundaries can be transformative. They provide you with therapeutic wisdom, actionable tools, and practical tips to gain control of your life.
Understanding and respecting my own boundaries has allowed me to learn how to communicate my needs. Additionally, by leading by example, I am showing my children how to protect their emotional and physical safety, advocate for themselves, and establish a sense of autonomy and self-respect.
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